"How Will This Work?"
Navigating Spouse Engagement with ILI
By Bill Wittland, ILI Cohort Four (2022-2023)
If you ask Emily Turner to identify one of the most frequent questions she hears from applicants to the Inspired Leadership Initiative (ILI) program, she’ll tell you it often sounds something like, “How will this work for my spouse if I decide to come to Notre Dame?” In Emily’s role as the Associate Director for Prospect Development and Alumni Relations, she doesn’t have one, clear-cut answer to that question. “The answer to how spouses will handle the decision to be a Fellow in the ILI is about as varied as the diversity of the Fellows themselves in our cohorts.” Consider these examples.
Karen Cunningham had a son who was a senior at Notre Dame when she was accepted as a Fellow for cohort two of the ILI. She had recently retired from a highly successful career in corporate marketing leadership, and it fully seemed to her that a year at Notre Dame would help her shape the direction for the next chapter of her life. Her husband Bill, however, was still working as an airline pilot, so she assumed he would just anchor their home near Indianapolis, Indiana, while she was away and make periodic trips to join her at Notre Dame. It didn’t quite work out that way.
“Our apartment at Notre Dame really became our home for that year, in many ways,” says Karen. “When Bill wasn’t flying, he would come straight to Notre Dame to take part in the variety of events and activities happening with our program and on campus. He loved being there as much as I did, and we totally enjoyed being together and experiencing everything that was going on.” She was more than surprised, since Bill was the one who is far less fond of the gray and cold of Northern Indiana winters. “I especially loved living so near the campus,” Bill notes, “and having the chance to just walk to all the things that were happening. The opportunities for enrichment easily outweighed my distaste for the winter climate. And that’s saying something.” Karen and Bill found Notre Dame to be incredibly welcoming, despite the age disparity with most of the student population. “We found the campus to be just the smartest, most diverse population to be among,” adds Karen, “and we treasured the bonds that developed among the cohort and including the spouses that were involved.”
Tim and Beth Weber never thought there would be much separation for them when Tim was accepted as an ILI Fellow in cohort four. Both had recently retired from the U.S. Navy, Tim as an admiral and Beth as a decorated Navy nurse. Their various postings had taken them around the world, growing quite adept at picking up and moving, even across continents. The Webers rented a house close to campus that became a welcome gathering spot for their cohort. They expected that Tim would enjoy returning to the Irish campus from which he graduated in the 1980s, but he had no idea the pathways that would emerge... for both of them and in different ways.
While Tim immersed himself in the activities of the cohort and a semester of course work at the university, Beth developed a quick and deep fondness for Notre Dame (even though she’s a loyal Clemson grad), taking a class each semester and discovering a new favorite activity. “I loved having access with my ND ID card to the ILI Fellows lounge and just hanging around. I’d stop in and have conversations with the Fellows who dropped in between their classes. It was a wonderful way to connect with Tim’s cohort and to create relationships with each of the Fellows.”
Tim Weber loved his experience in the ILI, but he also found that his return to his alma mater rekindled a distinct fondness for the atmosphere at Notre Dame and a deep attraction to its mission to be a force for good. “We had expected to move to the Washington D.C. area after I completed the program, but we loved being on the campus and in the South Bend area so much that we changed our trajectory.” Tim ended up accepting a position at the University in the Eck Institute for Global Health, he and Beth bought a home in South Bend, and now Beth is a fellow in cohort five of the ILI.
“I am fortunate to have a unique perspective as a Fellow in ILI cohort five after having accompanied Tim on his journey last year with cohort four. I have forged relationships now with Fellows from two different cohorts. It is such a valuable perspective for me. I don’t think anyone has done it this way before.”
The same could be said for John and Ana Lawton. No one else has done what they did, participated together as spouses in the same ILI cohort, number three. It is ironic that their journey was sparked by Ana’s attraction to and interest in the program at Notre Dame and not John’s. John is the one, after all, whose family has a 130-year connection to the University. His grandfather was orphaned at three years old, and three years later was enrolled in a special Notre Dame program that educated young orphans through their high school years. John was born in South Bend but moved away just before his teen years. He and Ana spent most of their lives in the Chicago area, and when Ana learned about the ILI, John imagined it would be a wonderful experience for him to return to Notre Dame too and for them as a couple to share a new adventure in learning. But he wasn’t sure they could pull it off.
“We were absolutely thrilled, and perhaps a little surprised, that we were both accepted into the ILI,” says John. “We sold our home in northern Illinois, moved to Mishawaka, and we both plunged into the challenges and wonderful opportunities at Notre Dame.” As a couple they loved the way the exploration of issues and topics within the ILI and the courses they took continued to be a central focus for their conversations even at home. Though they didn’t take any academic courses together, they treasured their joint participation in the core ILI programs. Ana had always valued ongoing education and learning, “but I was amazed at how deeply immersed we became in the topics and the focus of the ILI on creating the next chapter of our lives. We’re thrilled it is still unfolding for us in the South Bend area. There is so much blossoming potential here.”
For others, like John Morey, a current member of the fifth cohort, it works best to maintain two separate residences and support one another from afar. Upon retiring from an accomplished 38-year career in banking, institutional investing, and wealth management, John knew he wanted to approach retirement with intentionality in his pursuit of purpose and fulfillment in this next act. His wife, Carla, had already retired and had found her own footing through deep engagement within their community. “When I decided to retire several years ago, John provided me with the support, time, and space to explore and follow my passions,” says Carla. “I felt strongly that it was time for me to do the same for him so that he could become fully immersed in his ILI experience.”
The Moreys made the choice that John would move to Notre Dame and Carla would remain in their home in Massachusetts, continuing to pursue her passions and connect with her community at home. “Carla’s involvement with her non-profit work, in particular her commitment to the Museum of Fine Arts Boston, made moving to Notre Dame difficult, but her strong encouragement and support combined with the richness of the fellowship have made it all work quite well and allowed me to prosper,” says John. Reflecting on how this has worked for them, he adds, “while the content and design of the program and all aspects of my time on campus have exceeded my expectations, it wouldn’t be possible without her love, support and understanding.”
It’s clearly a unique challenge for every couple who is part of an ILI cohort to configure their lives around the program and the experiences of being at Notre Dame. Emily Turner will tell you that she is amazed and impressed by the variety of ways couples embrace the opportunity that the ILI presents. “We always look forward to seeing what those ILI fellows who have a spouse or partner will choose to do, and we welcome the chance to support them to make it the best experience possible.”
Bill Wittland is an ILI Alum (cohort 4, 2022-2023). He has worked in communications his entire career, and during his time at Notre Dame he studied an array of subjects, including creative writing, design sketching, architecture, and technology issues.